In the Web

Like always, genuine gratitude to you all for reading my work. Without you, I wouldn't have the motivation to write. Welcome to another edition of "In the Web."

The Notre Dame Fighting Irish have set the collegiate football landscape ablaze this fall en route to a sterling record of 1-7. As a fomer manual laborer, I can easily envision hordes of workers congregating pre-shift outside a convenient store predicting how much longer till Irish Coach Charlie Weiss meets his ultimate demise. Despite the fact that he underwent gastric bypass surgery, an extremely risky operation, to reduce his immense blubbler, Weiss looks more and more like the Caucasian answer to Fat Albert on a daily basis.

Notre Dame has hit a new level of futility thus far into the 2007 season and it's not entirely out of the realm to wonder about Weiss' job status and whether or not he'll be back with the Irish next year (I am positive that he will be). The demise I am broaching in this context involves the digging of six feet worth of dirt and I am confident that Weiss is an en vogue selection in the grand majority of death pools nationwide.

A standard death pool is predicated on the notion that each human being is worth 100 points. When someone expires, you debit his age by the 100 points. So, for example, if Weiss, 51, succumbed to gluttony this coming year, he would be valued at 49 points. That's a significant number of points and something that one needs to readily consider before embarking on a death pool draft.

On a sincerely morbid and tasteless note, Britney Spears, 25, would be a tremendous fantasy pick if you and your friends are contemplating establishing a death pool in 2008. I know, it's sick. But, she would grant you 75 points and that's nothing to sneeze at in this league.

Much to my chagrin, I firmly believe that Kevin Federline, 29, would be a disastrous pick in such a particular league. I view Federline as a survivor and I can envision that cockroach sipping pina coladas at a tropical resort with a loaded 80-year-old widow sometime in the late portion of 2058.

Moments ago, the Boston Red Sox beat the Colorado Rockies 3-2 to win their 2nd crown in 4 years. Obviously, the Red Sox have fielded high-qaulity for the past half-decade. But, not one of their teams could have taken any of the Yankee squads from 1996-2000 and they definitely couldn't have unseated either of the two Toronto Blue Jay teams that captured glory (1992-1993). Nevertheless, the Sox have been very good and they deserve their rightful due.

I'm just so very ecstatic that as I write and by the grace of a higher source, I happen to be 300 miles from Yawkey Way.

I am equally enthralled by the fact that I will no longer be forced to see the most untalented comedian, actor and musician on the globe, Boston native Dane Cook, rearing his ugly mug on another Fox baseball broadcast for quite some time.

The New England Patriot's (8-0) trounced the Washington Redskins (4-3) 52-7 Sunday to further their bid to become the first team to go undefeated in the NFL since the 1972 Miami Flamingo's. The Patriot's are simply in a different stratosphere and one nees to wonder if it's feasible for a team to be charged with running up the score in the first half of a game.

So indeed and without sarcasm and to call the proverbial spade a spade, the city of Beans is reveling in an athletic year for the ages. As noted, The Red Sox just won their second championship in four years. The Boston Collge Eagles have inexplikcably remained unbeaten (8-0) and are seemingly genuine championship contenders in a year marred with mediocity on the college gridiron. Lastly, the New England Patriots are sincere and worthy adversaries to the Miami Flamingo's unblemished mark that they set in 1972. In lieu of all this impressiveness, I ask, "How much for another ticket out of town?"

For those who complain that my writing is badly hindered because of my hatred towards everything that is Boston sports, I want to be emphatically clear that I am, and I have been for years, a big supporter of the fabled Celtics franchise. Still, the Celts had always previously played second fiddle to my beloved New York Knicks. Not anymore, my friends. Rooting for Knicks GM and Head Coach Isiah Thomas is akin to cheering for another outbreak of SARS (severe acute respiratory illness). I yearn for a disease free world.

Everything indicates that the New York Yankees are on the verge of naming Joe Girardi as the successor to the iconic Joseph Torre. Girardi's hire as a manager could work for the Bomber's. Obviously, it also could backfire. If the choice was mine, I would have rolled out the red carpet for the inexperienced Don Mattingly. But, that's just me and I've been wrong more times than Paris Hilton's had sex.

Whomever eventually manages the men in pinstripes, it appears they will do so without the services of an all-time talent. The famed purple-lipped pariah, Alex Rodriguez, opted out of his $252 million, 10-year contract with the New York Yankees Sunday to essntially end his career in the Bronx. The Bombers just lost the best player in basbeall. The Yankees also just became a better baseball team. Oh, the irony.

As frequent readers of mine know, weeks ago I contemplated permanently removing myself from the entire world of sports. Sunday, I watched live at the Meadowlands as the New York Jets suffered yet another loss to recede to a horrific mark of 1-8. But, this loss, 17-6 to the Buffalo Bills (3-5), was different. I never got mad and my day wasn't ruined. I now realize it's easier for me to watch "Gang Green" when they are flatly despicable instead of when they are contenders incapable of reaching the ultimate level. This is my life. I am a New York Jets fan.

Tip of the hat and much thanks for your time. I hope I kept you interested.