In the Web

* I appreciate you taking the time to read another edition of "In the Web." I hope I entertain you with my rapid review of the week that was in sports.

* The Notre Dame Fighting Irish (1-8) lost to Navy (5-4) last Saturday in 3OT to snap their NCAA-record winning streak over one opponent at 43 games. The loss, already Notre Dame's 5th at home this year, is a new nadir for the Irish and their highly-scrutinized Head Coach Charlie Weiss. Despite Notre Dame's mid-air-collision of a season, Weiss allegedly sees better days ahead for the Irish in the very near future.

According to WFAN's Mike Francesa, he joined Weiss and the third leg of their trio of girth, coaching icon Bill Parcells, at Monmouth Park Racetrack in New Jersey on the 27th of October to support the ponies running at the Breeder's Cup. In between platters of food and races, Francesa claims that Weiss acknowledged to him that this season is far direr than he could have ever envisioned. Weiss stated that he knew this season would be horrible and he said so to associates of his in confidence. But, he never could have fathomed this horrific level of futility at the Golden Dome. Weiss went on to predict that his squad would be quite competitive next year and then he boldly capped off his clairvoyance by predicting that the Irish would win the national championship in 2009.

As a fan of the Irish who was not old enough to enjoy their last national championship in 1988, I can assure you that I will store that comment away and check its validity towards the end of Rudolph Giuliani's first term in the Oval Office. I hope the fat boy's onto something.

* In fairness, Weiss indeed is a great offensive mind and I still do have faith that he is the correct person to return the Irish to national prominence. Nevertheless, I am in no capacity sold on his prized freshman recruit, quarterback Jimmy Clausen, 20. It is entirely unfair for anyone to judge Clausen based on this season. The "Lebron James of high school quarterbacks" has been provided with absolutely zero protection upfront and he has a dearth of explosive players to throw to on offense. Still, I haven't detected even a hint of toughness or zest when I've seen him behind the gun to date. In reality, Clausen, who went 43-0 in his prep career playing for Oaks Christian High School in Westlake Village, California, seems better suited to star in a remake of the 80's flick "Mannequin." I can see him cruising down Santa Monica Boulevard in a pink Cadillac with the character "Hollywood" in shotgun before I can see him leading the Irish to another pot of gold.

* On October the 28th, I wrote "Granted, I'm biased because 'I hate the fucking Eagles, man.' But, eventually, Boston College will fold like a cheap suit." Last Saturday night in a quasi-monsoon, the Eagles (8-1, 4-1) folded like a "cheap suit" in an excruciating 27-17 loss to the Florida State Seminoles (6-3, 3-3). I hope Eagles fans enjoyed their run of prosperity because I can easily forecast at least 2 more losses before the season ends in early-January. Boston College is an average football team that will finish with an average record when it's all said and done.

* With that said, in a year marred with mediocrity on the collegiate gridiron, almost every team is average.

* It has been reported in a number of news outlets that the New York Yankees are seriously contemplating proposing a trade offer to the Baltimore Orioles for their resident juice-head, Miguel Tejada, 31. The Yankees imagine Tejada as a less expensive and less abrasive answer to Alex Rodriguez at third base. Granted, anybody's a likeable upgrade in comparison to A-Rod. But, Miguel Tejada and his fleet of unwanted baggage? If the Bomber's truly want to replace the purple-lipped pariah at the hot corner, they need to continue descending south and they need to make a genuine offer to the Florida Marlins for Miguel Cabrera, 24. Despite concerns about his propensity to gain weight, Cabrera's worth the risk and the prospects that would be needed to land him.

* As long as those prospects don't include rookie sensation Joba Chamberlain, 22.

* The phony known as Roger Clemens accepted a job as a consultant this week with the Houston Astros. In lieu of this news, one can only presume that Yankees pitcher Andy Pettite, 35, will follow-suit and retire. I mean, those two are inseparable like Laurel and Hardy, right? Or, was it inseparable like "Ennis del Mar" and "Jack Twist" in "Brokeback Mountain? Either way, with Clemens gone, Pettite's days in the South Bronx are inevitably finished.

* The team known formerly as the Tampa Bay Devil Rays has shed the "Devil" and is now known simply as the Rays. With this monumental announcement, one must wonder if St. Petersburg officials have begun to already map out the Rays championship parade route for next October.

* The irreparable New York Jets (1-8) are slated to face the dynamic New England Patriot's (9-0) at Gillette Stadium on December the 16th. As "Marcia Donnelly" said on HBO's "the Wire," "Lambs to the slaughter here." Unofficially and without confirmation, I was told that the largest spread in NFL history was 24 points. Is it even conceivable that the Patriot's won't be a greater favorite than that when they meet the Jets in this pending chapter of "the Border War?" After justifiably blowing the whistle on the New England Patriot's and their Head Coach and lead cheater, Bill Belichick, the Jets and their Head Coach, Eric Mangini, are on the cusp of "entering a world of pain." Belichick likes his protégé, Mangini, as much as Britney Spears likes panties and he will likely stop at nothing to shame the man who caused him such embarrassment in September's "Spygate Scandal."

* Come to think of it, the loveable Belichick is somewhat reminiscent of the Cobra Kai's sensei, John Kreese. How can one say with certainty that Belichick has never inspired his villainous crew by uttering the words, "Sweep the leg. Do you have a problem with that?"

* The Boston Celtics (4-0) are in the midst of a renaissance following an offseason that saw them acquire superstars Kevin Garnett, 31, and Ray Allen, 32. I have seen more people wearing Celtics merchandise in Boston in the past 2 weeks than I did during my previous 8-years in the city combined. Coincidence? Nah, just more front-runners.

* Sexpot Jessica Simpson, 27, recently told Extra, "I think Boston has cute boys. I need a Boston man. A Boston man is closest to a Southern man, I believe." Come on! Boston's run of dominance is officially in overkill status.

* Great thanks to you all for your time. I look forward to another round sometime next week.