The indomitable New England Patriots (18-0) will play the upstart New York Giants (13-6) next week at the University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Arizona. Whether or not the Patriots triumph over Gotham’s Big Blue, they are deserving of their dynasty label. The Patriots are simply one of the most overwhelming teams in the annals of North American professional sports.
Because of New England’s decade-long dominance, some pundits have hailed their “HC,” Bill Belichick, 55, as the best coach to ever stroll an NFL sideline and others have had the audacity to infer that the Vince Lombardi Trophy should be re-named after the Patriots nefarious cheater. Such a ludicrous and unfounded assertion is shire tomfoolery. The loveable Belichick, who makes Dick Cheney seem warm and bubbly, is a good coach who has reached an unjustifiably mythic status by riding the coattails of his iconic quarterback for the ages, Tom Brady, 30.
While coaching in Cleveland and without Brady, Belichick led the Browns to a paltry record of 36-44 before being terminated after five miserable seasons. The grand majority of Clevelanders understandably rejoiced when the philandering fashion plate met his professional maker. Belichick chapped the asses of players, fans and the media alike and his coaching “skills” were proven to be subpar while he alienated the bulk of the Cleveland region.
In his first year as the “HC” of New England, Belichick once again exhibited his anemic guidance en route to “leading” the Patsies to an intimidating record of 5-11. In 2001, the Patriots began the season with a mark of 0-2 before the New York Jets and their linebacker, Mo Lewis, changed the course of history for the Patriots and the overrated Belichick. After being flushed from the pocket, starting quarterback Drew Bledsoe, 35, ran upright to the sideline before being lambasted by Lewis. The vicious hit by Lewis caused moderate internal bleeding in Bledsoe and it opened the door for Brady to take control as New England’s signal caller.
Prior to being blessed with Brady, Belichick had a combined (Cleveland and New England) Hall of Fame record of 41-57. Since stumbling upon the rare pot of gold that is Brady, the man who perpetuated “Spygate” has gone 86-24. I like coincidences as much as I enjoy jock-itch and I refuse to believe that those numbers don’t expose Belichick for the mediocre gump that he is.
I fully realize that I reek of anti-New England bias. For me, cheering for Belichick and the Pats is akin to rooting for the reemergence of polio. But, how can anyone genuinely claim that Belichick is a better coach than either Bill Parcells or Joe Gibbs? Parcells captured two Superbowl championships with two different quarterbacks and he won at all four coaching stops that he made. Gibbs won three Superbowls in Washington with three different Redskin signal-callers. That puts Belichick, at best, as the third most decorated coach that I’ve seen in the NFL since I began watching the sport in 1987. So, please, New Englanders put down your Samuel Adams and take in a dose of reality. Green Bay Packers fans, take solace. The championship trophy will always be named after the truly special Lombardi.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
In the Web
· I send my gratitude to you all for taking the time to read my vantage on the week that was in the world of sports. Unfortunately, I found a dearth of subject matter to make mention of this week. Nevertheless, I tried to comprise a quality piece and I hope I still manage to entertain.
· The indomitable New England Patriots (18-0) will play the upstart New York Giants (13-6) next week in Superbowl XLII at the University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Arizona. The Patriots, who will justifiably enter the game as 14-point favorites, are the most despised team to make the Superbowl since the Baltimore Ravens and their acquitted murderer/linebacker, Ray Lewis, won it all against the Big Blue 34-7 in 2001. As an enormous fan of the New York Jets (Just End the Season), I thought my passion for football died sometime around Columbus Day. But, my genuine loathing and utter contempt for all that is New England sports has created an air of excitement within me that I haven’t felt in athletics since Aaron Boone and the New York Yankees defeated the Boston Red Sox in 7 games to win the 2003 ALCS. There may be people in the world that will root for the Giants as passionately as I will come next Sunday evening. Nobody, and I emphasize nobody, will be rooting for the Giants with more vigor than I will be in eight days. If and when the Giants emerge victorious, it will be one of the most truly special moments the sports world has seen since those two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders, Angela Ellen Keathley and Renee Thomas, were caught performing cunnilingus on each other in a bathroom stall at “Banana Joe’s” nightclub in Tampa, Florida.
· New England Patriots strong safety Rodney Harrison was quoted this week as saying, "It wasn't no secret. (The Giants) push, they hit late, they come at you and try to take you out. That's the way they play." Harrison's surreal rant is a classic case of a midget calling a munchkin short. Harrison, who is clearly an English major, is a known steroid abuser and he has twice been voted the NFL's dirtiest player by his peers. Harrison should heed the adage that "it's better to let people think you're an idiot than open your mouth and remove all doubt."
· The University of Hawaii's record-breaking quarterback and nearly a "sex offender with a record," Colt Brennan, 24, has severely struggled in practice while preparing for the Senior Bowl in Mobile, Alabama. Brennan's inadequate arm strength and atrocious throwing form will prohibit him from making any impact whatsoever on the next level and if I were a general manager I would avoid selecting him in April's draft like I'd steer clear of making contact with one of Heidi Fleiss' dirty thongs.
· Legendary chess player Bobby Fisher died at the age of 64 in Iceland last Thursday after a lengthy battle with kidney failure. Fisher transcended the "sport" of chess and became a cultural icon when he defeated Soviet grandmaster Boris Spassky in the midst of the Cold War. Unfortunately, instead of being remembered as the prodigy and genius that he was, he will be remembered as a delusional psychotic whose brilliance ultimately led to his bitter demise. The sad part is not that Fisher, a Jew who is an anti-Semite, died. The sad part is that some people actually contend that chess is a sport. Chess is as much a sport as Rupaul is a woman and anyone who believes otherwise knows athletics like a Bin-Laden knows condoms.
· Baseballs all-time home-run king, Barry Lamar Bonds, 42, asked a federal judge to dismiss perjury charges against him on Wednesday saying that the indictment is "scattershot" and noted its "striking inartfulness." Bonds claims that investigators baffled him with their questions and that he was incapable of accurately responding to the inquiries because of his confusion. Asked during the deposition if his notorious personal trainer, Greg Anderson, 42, had ever provided him with steroids or any other performance enhancing drug Bonds replied, "No. Not at all." Where is possibly the potential for confusion from that exchange? It's not exactly like there was an attempt to split the atom during these proceedings and I don't think Barry Lamar has a 24th chromosome. As the saying goes, “My what tangled webs we weave when we choose to deceive.”
· A friend of 23 years, Gary Leonardo Moreland III, called me on the phone the other day swearing that he saw a fat guy with a "third ear coming out of (his) forehead" who was "pulling a tractor with (his teeth)." I asked Gary where he was and he said he was driving on I-10 E outside of Louisiana. Gary was frazzled. At a Jersey Shore jubilee back in the late-90's, somebody had slipped him liquid acid and he was positive that he was having a massive hallucination 10 complete years after the traumatic incident. I asked Gary to repeat what he saw and when he did it dawned on me that he wasn't loopier than Courtney Love. He was seeing the rotund disgrace of the "Lone Star State," Roger Clemens, en route to the congressional hearings on Capitol Hill in Washington. Gary, whose knowledge regarding sports is minimal, was flabbergasted that the porky-Texan would go all the way to our nations’ capital on foot. As I explained to Gary, Clemens is renowned for his work ethic. He should be waddling into “Capital City” just in time to commit perjury on February the 13th.
· Roy Jones Jr. (52-4), 39, outclassed Puerto Rican folk hero Felix Trinidad (42-3), 35, last Saturday night en route to winning a unanimous decision. For what I sarcastically labeled Golden Girls with Gloves, the fight was not the Del Boca Vista debacle that I predicted. Jones floored Trinidad in the seventh and tenth rounds and in the end he was simply the bigger and better man in the ring. Kudos to Jones, who suffered consecutive brutal knockout losses in 2004, for maintaing the belief in himself to diligently train and win a marquee match in “the World’s Most Famous Arena.” Now, it’s time to call it a career, Junior.
· As always, thanks for giving me a reason to write.
· The indomitable New England Patriots (18-0) will play the upstart New York Giants (13-6) next week in Superbowl XLII at the University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Arizona. The Patriots, who will justifiably enter the game as 14-point favorites, are the most despised team to make the Superbowl since the Baltimore Ravens and their acquitted murderer/linebacker, Ray Lewis, won it all against the Big Blue 34-7 in 2001. As an enormous fan of the New York Jets (Just End the Season), I thought my passion for football died sometime around Columbus Day. But, my genuine loathing and utter contempt for all that is New England sports has created an air of excitement within me that I haven’t felt in athletics since Aaron Boone and the New York Yankees defeated the Boston Red Sox in 7 games to win the 2003 ALCS. There may be people in the world that will root for the Giants as passionately as I will come next Sunday evening. Nobody, and I emphasize nobody, will be rooting for the Giants with more vigor than I will be in eight days. If and when the Giants emerge victorious, it will be one of the most truly special moments the sports world has seen since those two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders, Angela Ellen Keathley and Renee Thomas, were caught performing cunnilingus on each other in a bathroom stall at “Banana Joe’s” nightclub in Tampa, Florida.
· New England Patriots strong safety Rodney Harrison was quoted this week as saying, "It wasn't no secret. (The Giants) push, they hit late, they come at you and try to take you out. That's the way they play." Harrison's surreal rant is a classic case of a midget calling a munchkin short. Harrison, who is clearly an English major, is a known steroid abuser and he has twice been voted the NFL's dirtiest player by his peers. Harrison should heed the adage that "it's better to let people think you're an idiot than open your mouth and remove all doubt."
· The University of Hawaii's record-breaking quarterback and nearly a "sex offender with a record," Colt Brennan, 24, has severely struggled in practice while preparing for the Senior Bowl in Mobile, Alabama. Brennan's inadequate arm strength and atrocious throwing form will prohibit him from making any impact whatsoever on the next level and if I were a general manager I would avoid selecting him in April's draft like I'd steer clear of making contact with one of Heidi Fleiss' dirty thongs.
· Legendary chess player Bobby Fisher died at the age of 64 in Iceland last Thursday after a lengthy battle with kidney failure. Fisher transcended the "sport" of chess and became a cultural icon when he defeated Soviet grandmaster Boris Spassky in the midst of the Cold War. Unfortunately, instead of being remembered as the prodigy and genius that he was, he will be remembered as a delusional psychotic whose brilliance ultimately led to his bitter demise. The sad part is not that Fisher, a Jew who is an anti-Semite, died. The sad part is that some people actually contend that chess is a sport. Chess is as much a sport as Rupaul is a woman and anyone who believes otherwise knows athletics like a Bin-Laden knows condoms.
· Baseballs all-time home-run king, Barry Lamar Bonds, 42, asked a federal judge to dismiss perjury charges against him on Wednesday saying that the indictment is "scattershot" and noted its "striking inartfulness." Bonds claims that investigators baffled him with their questions and that he was incapable of accurately responding to the inquiries because of his confusion. Asked during the deposition if his notorious personal trainer, Greg Anderson, 42, had ever provided him with steroids or any other performance enhancing drug Bonds replied, "No. Not at all." Where is possibly the potential for confusion from that exchange? It's not exactly like there was an attempt to split the atom during these proceedings and I don't think Barry Lamar has a 24th chromosome. As the saying goes, “My what tangled webs we weave when we choose to deceive.”
· A friend of 23 years, Gary Leonardo Moreland III, called me on the phone the other day swearing that he saw a fat guy with a "third ear coming out of (his) forehead" who was "pulling a tractor with (his teeth)." I asked Gary where he was and he said he was driving on I-10 E outside of Louisiana. Gary was frazzled. At a Jersey Shore jubilee back in the late-90's, somebody had slipped him liquid acid and he was positive that he was having a massive hallucination 10 complete years after the traumatic incident. I asked Gary to repeat what he saw and when he did it dawned on me that he wasn't loopier than Courtney Love. He was seeing the rotund disgrace of the "Lone Star State," Roger Clemens, en route to the congressional hearings on Capitol Hill in Washington. Gary, whose knowledge regarding sports is minimal, was flabbergasted that the porky-Texan would go all the way to our nations’ capital on foot. As I explained to Gary, Clemens is renowned for his work ethic. He should be waddling into “Capital City” just in time to commit perjury on February the 13th.
· Roy Jones Jr. (52-4), 39, outclassed Puerto Rican folk hero Felix Trinidad (42-3), 35, last Saturday night en route to winning a unanimous decision. For what I sarcastically labeled Golden Girls with Gloves, the fight was not the Del Boca Vista debacle that I predicted. Jones floored Trinidad in the seventh and tenth rounds and in the end he was simply the bigger and better man in the ring. Kudos to Jones, who suffered consecutive brutal knockout losses in 2004, for maintaing the belief in himself to diligently train and win a marquee match in “the World’s Most Famous Arena.” Now, it’s time to call it a career, Junior.
· As always, thanks for giving me a reason to write.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
In the Web
• I thank you for taking the time to provide me with some of your time. Welcome to another edition of “In the Web.”
• Tom Brady's record-setting performance Saturday night in Foxboro (26-28, 262 yards) helped propel the New England Patriots to a hard-fought victory over the upstart Jacksonville Jaguars 31-20. My respect and admiration for Brady as a player and as a man is unparallel. Brady, who broke Phil Simms record for accuracy in a single-game by completing 92% of his passes, is a consummate professional and one of the classiest individuals in all of sports.
Nevertheless, in this timeframe of congressional hearings and witch hunts and in the honor of journalistic credibility, I find pertinence in noting that New England's "Golden Boy" was linked, albeit thinly, to the BALCO investigation. According to phone records seized by the federal government, Brady twice contacted Barry Bonds' nefarious trainer,
Greg Anderson, 42, in 2002 to inquire about his "services." The meeting between "Giselle's Girl" and the Bay Area's most notorious pusher of synthetic testosterone allegedly never materialized. Still, if you look at the matter objectively, the whole situation reeks of potential scandal. Brady may not have actually met with Anderson. However, the question remains, why seek-out Anderson in the first place? I am entirely cognizant that I am jaded and steep in cynicism. But, I refuse to believe that Brady, who
has gained 35 lbs. since his rookie season in 2000, innocently and naively stumbled upon Anderson without knowing his rogue background. Are we to believe that Brady conveniently called Anderson, of all people, to devise a plan to better strengthen his calves?
Naysayers and critics will grill me for this entry and claim that I am a
yellow journalist who is muckraking in an attempt to write a lurid story. That is simply not the case. I am making mention of a fact that many people, particularly New Englanders, like to curiously dismiss as baseless. Unfortunately, despite being built like the cartoon character "Shaggy," I believe that Brady, like Mary J. Blige and 50 Cent, could be yet another piece of the infamous "Steroid Era."
• There is little doubt in my mind that I just chapped a number of my readers' asses with my above rant. To pacify the irritation, I wrote the below blurb about New England's iconic signal-caller last week.
"New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, 30, deservingly seized his first league MVP Tuesday in a landslide vote reminiscent of Reagan-Mondale circa 1984. Brady, who threw 50 touchdowns in comparison to a measly 8 interceptions this year, is the greatest quarterback to ever step on the gridiron."
• The New York Giants nudged the Dallas Cowboys 21-17 Sunday evening in Texas Stadium to advance to the NFC Championship game. In a postgame interview, Cowboy wide receiver and living hemorrhoid, Terrell Owens, 34, got emotional while defending his teams' embattled quarterback, Tony Romo. Romo, who received much flak in the week leading-up to the game for cavorting with his buxom girlfriend in Mexico, went a pedestrian 18-36 for 201 yards in the loss. Owens, an incredibly unsympathetic and unlikeable figure, wept like he had just finished watching "Beaches" and for what? Why waste one tear on Romo? Romo, who signed a six-year, $67.5 extension with Dallas in October, sips pina coladas on a tropical island and he fornicates with Jessica “Double-D" Simpson. If Owens wants to cry for someone, he should cry for a poor working sap like me. Seriously, if he wants a good cry, he should call me. My life story will have him weeping in horror and dismay in comparison.
• Over the course of the year, I have been extremely critical of Giants quarterback Eli Manning, 27. My criticism reached feverish levels in November when I began urging the "Big Blue" to insert "the Pillsbury Throwboy," Jared Lorenzen, 26, into the starting slot behind the center. Well, if Manning's performance over the past three weeks is any
indication, I was wrong in my analysis. Although it may seem like he's been around since the Lincoln administration, Manning is still precocious and it is feasible that he's just now coming into his own under the glare of Gotham's spotlight. If that's the case, and I'm still not sure that it is, good for Eli. It's always nice to see someone persevere in the face of adversity.
• Perhaps because of Manning's southern drawl and his painfully slow demeanor, I still am not convinced that he's the sharpest of samurai swords. With an estimated high temperature of 2 degrees by kickoff in Green Bay on Sunday, I am hoping that Manning decides to wear one of those "village idiot" hats with the fur ear flaps under his
helmet against the Packers. Now, that would be classic and it would make it hard to root against the team from Jets Stadium in New Jersey.
• The Indianapolis Colts surrendered to the San Diego Chargers 28-24 Sunday afternoon in the RCA Dome to ruin the defense of their Super Bowl title. The Chargers managed to win despite losing their starting quarterback, Phillip Rivers, 26, and running back, Ladanian Tomlinson, 28, to injuries during the course of the game. Rivers, an
obnoxious loudmouth who spent most of the day yammering with fans in the crowd from the "Hoosier State," managed to hurt himself while completing a pass to Darren Sproles for a touchdown. I have three quick thoughts and observations about Rivers. For one, he's a jackass and he's in dire need of a muzzle. Secondly, the man's not agile on his feet. How in the name of a higher being did he manage to sprain his medial collateral ligament without being hit or running? His nimbleness makes "Elaine" from "Seinfeld" look like she should be on "Dancing with the Stars." Finally, Rivers is not a classy human being. He really should walk arm-in-arm with Britney Spears into a highway restroom shoeless. Ah, red-neck love.....A match made in trash.
• The hapless New York Knicks (12-26) beat the dominant Detroit Pistons (29-10) 89-65 at Madison Square Garden Sunday. Uh, how did that happen? That's like Nell Carter dusting Carl Lewis in a race.
• Roy Jones Jr. (51-4), 39, will fight Felix Trinidad (42-2), 35,
in a match that is only a decade-late Saturday night at Madison Square Garden in New York City. This contest should be billed "Golden Girls with Gloves." At one point, these two were at the top of their profession. Now, they are leaching money out of fans pockets. Jones should hang up his gloves and instead focus on his burgeoning career as
a rap artist. Actually, with lyrics like "I got disqualified in March of '97 after givin' a whipping to Montell Griffin," maybe he should exit the music industry as well as the sport of boxing before he becomes a national punch-line.
• Kudos to Xavier University in Cincinnati for turning down rivals.com’s mid-major player of the week award on Friday that was intended for their point guard, Drew Lavender.
"People who come here and see us and what we're about and know what we've accomplished in 25 years would struggle to put any 'mid' label on us," Xavier athletic director Mike Bobinski said. "We've been to 17 NCAA Tournaments. We've had 20 20-plus win seasons. Our arena has been filled to 96 percent capacity. We've had 11 BCS conference home-and-homes in the last six years. That's not 'mid' anything."
Agree with the decision made by the Musketeers athletic department or not, they live by a code and that is something that demands respect. Somewhere out there, “the Wire’s” Omar Little is smiling.
• The Golf Channel’s Kelly Tilghman was quoted as saying that the only way young golfers could stop Tiger Woods would be to “Lynch him in a back alley.” Mistake or no mistake, all I can say is, “Wow! Is Tilghman the great-granddaughter of Nathan Bedford Forrest or what?” Perhaps Ms. Tilghman should be put to work behind the scenes instead of being one of the faces of this channel.
• As always, thank you. I hope I entertained.
• Tom Brady's record-setting performance Saturday night in Foxboro (26-28, 262 yards) helped propel the New England Patriots to a hard-fought victory over the upstart Jacksonville Jaguars 31-20. My respect and admiration for Brady as a player and as a man is unparallel. Brady, who broke Phil Simms record for accuracy in a single-game by completing 92% of his passes, is a consummate professional and one of the classiest individuals in all of sports.
Nevertheless, in this timeframe of congressional hearings and witch hunts and in the honor of journalistic credibility, I find pertinence in noting that New England's "Golden Boy" was linked, albeit thinly, to the BALCO investigation. According to phone records seized by the federal government, Brady twice contacted Barry Bonds' nefarious trainer,
Greg Anderson, 42, in 2002 to inquire about his "services." The meeting between "Giselle's Girl" and the Bay Area's most notorious pusher of synthetic testosterone allegedly never materialized. Still, if you look at the matter objectively, the whole situation reeks of potential scandal. Brady may not have actually met with Anderson. However, the question remains, why seek-out Anderson in the first place? I am entirely cognizant that I am jaded and steep in cynicism. But, I refuse to believe that Brady, who
has gained 35 lbs. since his rookie season in 2000, innocently and naively stumbled upon Anderson without knowing his rogue background. Are we to believe that Brady conveniently called Anderson, of all people, to devise a plan to better strengthen his calves?
Naysayers and critics will grill me for this entry and claim that I am a
yellow journalist who is muckraking in an attempt to write a lurid story. That is simply not the case. I am making mention of a fact that many people, particularly New Englanders, like to curiously dismiss as baseless. Unfortunately, despite being built like the cartoon character "Shaggy," I believe that Brady, like Mary J. Blige and 50 Cent, could be yet another piece of the infamous "Steroid Era."
• There is little doubt in my mind that I just chapped a number of my readers' asses with my above rant. To pacify the irritation, I wrote the below blurb about New England's iconic signal-caller last week.
"New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, 30, deservingly seized his first league MVP Tuesday in a landslide vote reminiscent of Reagan-Mondale circa 1984. Brady, who threw 50 touchdowns in comparison to a measly 8 interceptions this year, is the greatest quarterback to ever step on the gridiron."
• The New York Giants nudged the Dallas Cowboys 21-17 Sunday evening in Texas Stadium to advance to the NFC Championship game. In a postgame interview, Cowboy wide receiver and living hemorrhoid, Terrell Owens, 34, got emotional while defending his teams' embattled quarterback, Tony Romo. Romo, who received much flak in the week leading-up to the game for cavorting with his buxom girlfriend in Mexico, went a pedestrian 18-36 for 201 yards in the loss. Owens, an incredibly unsympathetic and unlikeable figure, wept like he had just finished watching "Beaches" and for what? Why waste one tear on Romo? Romo, who signed a six-year, $67.5 extension with Dallas in October, sips pina coladas on a tropical island and he fornicates with Jessica “Double-D" Simpson. If Owens wants to cry for someone, he should cry for a poor working sap like me. Seriously, if he wants a good cry, he should call me. My life story will have him weeping in horror and dismay in comparison.
• Over the course of the year, I have been extremely critical of Giants quarterback Eli Manning, 27. My criticism reached feverish levels in November when I began urging the "Big Blue" to insert "the Pillsbury Throwboy," Jared Lorenzen, 26, into the starting slot behind the center. Well, if Manning's performance over the past three weeks is any
indication, I was wrong in my analysis. Although it may seem like he's been around since the Lincoln administration, Manning is still precocious and it is feasible that he's just now coming into his own under the glare of Gotham's spotlight. If that's the case, and I'm still not sure that it is, good for Eli. It's always nice to see someone persevere in the face of adversity.
• Perhaps because of Manning's southern drawl and his painfully slow demeanor, I still am not convinced that he's the sharpest of samurai swords. With an estimated high temperature of 2 degrees by kickoff in Green Bay on Sunday, I am hoping that Manning decides to wear one of those "village idiot" hats with the fur ear flaps under his
helmet against the Packers. Now, that would be classic and it would make it hard to root against the team from Jets Stadium in New Jersey.
• The Indianapolis Colts surrendered to the San Diego Chargers 28-24 Sunday afternoon in the RCA Dome to ruin the defense of their Super Bowl title. The Chargers managed to win despite losing their starting quarterback, Phillip Rivers, 26, and running back, Ladanian Tomlinson, 28, to injuries during the course of the game. Rivers, an
obnoxious loudmouth who spent most of the day yammering with fans in the crowd from the "Hoosier State," managed to hurt himself while completing a pass to Darren Sproles for a touchdown. I have three quick thoughts and observations about Rivers. For one, he's a jackass and he's in dire need of a muzzle. Secondly, the man's not agile on his feet. How in the name of a higher being did he manage to sprain his medial collateral ligament without being hit or running? His nimbleness makes "Elaine" from "Seinfeld" look like she should be on "Dancing with the Stars." Finally, Rivers is not a classy human being. He really should walk arm-in-arm with Britney Spears into a highway restroom shoeless. Ah, red-neck love.....A match made in trash.
• The hapless New York Knicks (12-26) beat the dominant Detroit Pistons (29-10) 89-65 at Madison Square Garden Sunday. Uh, how did that happen? That's like Nell Carter dusting Carl Lewis in a race.
• Roy Jones Jr. (51-4), 39, will fight Felix Trinidad (42-2), 35,
in a match that is only a decade-late Saturday night at Madison Square Garden in New York City. This contest should be billed "Golden Girls with Gloves." At one point, these two were at the top of their profession. Now, they are leaching money out of fans pockets. Jones should hang up his gloves and instead focus on his burgeoning career as
a rap artist. Actually, with lyrics like "I got disqualified in March of '97 after givin' a whipping to Montell Griffin," maybe he should exit the music industry as well as the sport of boxing before he becomes a national punch-line.
• Kudos to Xavier University in Cincinnati for turning down rivals.com’s mid-major player of the week award on Friday that was intended for their point guard, Drew Lavender.
"People who come here and see us and what we're about and know what we've accomplished in 25 years would struggle to put any 'mid' label on us," Xavier athletic director Mike Bobinski said. "We've been to 17 NCAA Tournaments. We've had 20 20-plus win seasons. Our arena has been filled to 96 percent capacity. We've had 11 BCS conference home-and-homes in the last six years. That's not 'mid' anything."
Agree with the decision made by the Musketeers athletic department or not, they live by a code and that is something that demands respect. Somewhere out there, “the Wire’s” Omar Little is smiling.
• The Golf Channel’s Kelly Tilghman was quoted as saying that the only way young golfers could stop Tiger Woods would be to “Lynch him in a back alley.” Mistake or no mistake, all I can say is, “Wow! Is Tilghman the great-granddaughter of Nathan Bedford Forrest or what?” Perhaps Ms. Tilghman should be put to work behind the scenes instead of being one of the faces of this channel.
• As always, thank you. I hope I entertained.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
In the Web
• Welcome to another edition of “In the Web.” I hope I entertain you with my rapid take on the week that was in the world of sports.
• CBS ratings soared Sunday night when broadcast icon Mike Wallace had his much-anticipated interview with the embattled Roger Clemens air on "60 Minutes." Wallace's well-conducted interview provided the viewing public with three undeniable truths. For one, "the Rocket" is more delusional than former Harvard professor and acid-head Timothy Leary and the fat-Texan was never even linked to LSD in the Mitchell report. Secondly, Wallace, who turns 90 in June, is a far greater legend in his field than the artificial Clemens, 45, ever was on the diamond. Finally, if Clemens does eventually get elected into baseball's Hall of Fame, Barry Lamar Bonds, 43, had better be enshrined as well. If Clemens does ultimately make Cooperstown and Bonds doesn't, then America as a whole is as racist as many proclaim.
• The following quote is from Roger Clemens’ lawyer, Rusty Hardin, after excerpts of his clients “60 Minutes” interview were released Thursday.
“Roger took bunches of shots over his career, much the way racehorses do, unfortunately.”
I won’t mention horses in this blog until we near the Kentucky Derby in the first week of May. Nevertheless, in light of Clemens’ horrifying abrasiveness and the way he sleazily recorded a phone conversation he had with his former trainer, Brian McNamee, I do wish that he was beaten like a government mule.
• The Washington Redskins iconic Head Coach and President, Joe Gibbs, 67, resigned yesterday after sixteen years leading the team from our nation's capital. Gibbs, who captured three Super Bowl championships as a coach with three different quarterbacks, is one of the classiest and most gracious individuals to ever roam an NFL sideline. In essence, as a man, he is everything that the cheating philanderer from New England, Bill Belichick is not.
• New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, 30, deservingly seized his first league MVP TUESDAY in a landslide vote reminiscent of Reagan-Mondale circa 1984. Brady, who threw 50 touchdowns in comparison to a measly 8 interceptions this year, is the greatest quarterback to ever step on the gridiron. That fact regarding Brady’s all-time status got muddled amidst the numerous other story's surrounding the Patriots (16-0*) season for the ages.
• Every time I watch the Indiana Hoosiers (13-1, 2-0) and their sensational freshman shooting guard Eric Gordon play, I become more and more positive that nobody will want to play them in March.
• Anybody who discounts the success that the Boston Celtics (29-3) have enjoyed thus far because of the lack of quality competition that they've faced knows nothing about the sport of basketball. The Celts are an extremely talented squad and their detractors may be in denial all the way to a 17th championship parade.
• I genuinely would like to root for the Celtics and their duo of class acts, Kevin Garnett, 31, and Ray Allen, 32. However, in lieu of the Red Sox triumph and the Patriots dominance, I can't muster the emotion to root for the fabled franchise from Boston. I mean, it's like rooting for Tommy Lee to add more inches of girth to his nether region.
• If it wasn't for last week's captivating World Hockey Classic played outdoors in the snow between the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Buffalo Sabers, I wouldn't even know that the sport of hockey still existed. It's kind of akin to how I wouldn't know Kim Kardashian, 27, was in existence if she didn't film herself getting a "golden shower" and doing the horizontal poker with Brandy's brother, Ray J.
• As always, thanks for giving me some of your time. I would have no reason to write if I didn’t have someone to read my work. Thanks again!
• CBS ratings soared Sunday night when broadcast icon Mike Wallace had his much-anticipated interview with the embattled Roger Clemens air on "60 Minutes." Wallace's well-conducted interview provided the viewing public with three undeniable truths. For one, "the Rocket" is more delusional than former Harvard professor and acid-head Timothy Leary and the fat-Texan was never even linked to LSD in the Mitchell report. Secondly, Wallace, who turns 90 in June, is a far greater legend in his field than the artificial Clemens, 45, ever was on the diamond. Finally, if Clemens does eventually get elected into baseball's Hall of Fame, Barry Lamar Bonds, 43, had better be enshrined as well. If Clemens does ultimately make Cooperstown and Bonds doesn't, then America as a whole is as racist as many proclaim.
• The following quote is from Roger Clemens’ lawyer, Rusty Hardin, after excerpts of his clients “60 Minutes” interview were released Thursday.
“Roger took bunches of shots over his career, much the way racehorses do, unfortunately.”
I won’t mention horses in this blog until we near the Kentucky Derby in the first week of May. Nevertheless, in light of Clemens’ horrifying abrasiveness and the way he sleazily recorded a phone conversation he had with his former trainer, Brian McNamee, I do wish that he was beaten like a government mule.
• The Washington Redskins iconic Head Coach and President, Joe Gibbs, 67, resigned yesterday after sixteen years leading the team from our nation's capital. Gibbs, who captured three Super Bowl championships as a coach with three different quarterbacks, is one of the classiest and most gracious individuals to ever roam an NFL sideline. In essence, as a man, he is everything that the cheating philanderer from New England, Bill Belichick is not.
• New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, 30, deservingly seized his first league MVP TUESDAY in a landslide vote reminiscent of Reagan-Mondale circa 1984. Brady, who threw 50 touchdowns in comparison to a measly 8 interceptions this year, is the greatest quarterback to ever step on the gridiron. That fact regarding Brady’s all-time status got muddled amidst the numerous other story's surrounding the Patriots (16-0*) season for the ages.
• Every time I watch the Indiana Hoosiers (13-1, 2-0) and their sensational freshman shooting guard Eric Gordon play, I become more and more positive that nobody will want to play them in March.
• Anybody who discounts the success that the Boston Celtics (29-3) have enjoyed thus far because of the lack of quality competition that they've faced knows nothing about the sport of basketball. The Celts are an extremely talented squad and their detractors may be in denial all the way to a 17th championship parade.
• I genuinely would like to root for the Celtics and their duo of class acts, Kevin Garnett, 31, and Ray Allen, 32. However, in lieu of the Red Sox triumph and the Patriots dominance, I can't muster the emotion to root for the fabled franchise from Boston. I mean, it's like rooting for Tommy Lee to add more inches of girth to his nether region.
• If it wasn't for last week's captivating World Hockey Classic played outdoors in the snow between the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Buffalo Sabers, I wouldn't even know that the sport of hockey still existed. It's kind of akin to how I wouldn't know Kim Kardashian, 27, was in existence if she didn't film herself getting a "golden shower" and doing the horizontal poker with Brandy's brother, Ray J.
• As always, thanks for giving me some of your time. I would have no reason to write if I didn’t have someone to read my work. Thanks again!
Thursday, January 3, 2008
In the Web
• The holidays are old news and I thankfully welcome you to a new edition of "In the Web."
• The New England Patriots defeated the New York Giants (10-6) at Jets Stadium in New Jersey Saturday 38-35 to become the first team in the annals of the NFL to complete a perfect 16-0 regular-season. The Patriots deserve a wealth of credit for their unprecedented excellence and the amazing focus and perseverance that they were able to display on a weekly basis since day one. Now all the Patriots need to do is win three more games and capture the Vince Lombardi trophy. If they don't accomplish that, they will be considered the most notorious collection of choke artists since the 2004 Yankees.
• The New York Jets (4-12) beat the Kansas City Chiefs (4-12) 13-10 Sunday in a meaningless game that ultimately cost them three slots in this coming years draft (the victory dropped them from the third selection in the first round to the sixth pick overall). You didn't have to be the late Jimmy "the Greek" Snyder to predict that the Jets would inexplicably and moronically win this game. Only "Gang Green" could suffocate the lone positive light from a dark and miserably disappointing 2007 campaign and lose a chance to select Arkansas star running back Darren McFadden, 20. As Steve Buscemi's character said in "Fargo," a Jet win "didn't make sense. It's like Peter stealing from Paul."
• Chuck Liddell (21-5) bruised and battered Wanderlei Silva (31-8-1), 31, Saturday night en route to a resounding unanimous decision victory. Liddell's victory put to a halt his personal losing streak at two and it knocked-out any lingering suspicion that he had been cursed since his cameo appearance on HBO's horrifically over-rated series, "Entourage." Liddell, 38, who is clearly the baddest thing since the NFL's juiced-up zebra, Ed Hochuli, now has his sights again set on avenging his consecutive losses to Quinton "Rampage" Jackson. Hopefully Liddell will nix that fight strategy and instead arrange a non-sanctioned "Mexican Street Fight" against the duo of "Turtle" and "Johnny Drama." Seeing those two gumps get throttled would be worth splurging for the exorbitant pay-per-view fees.
• Ring Magazine's 2007 "Fighter of the Year," Floyd Mayweather, Jr. (39-0), 30, publicly expressed his desire to enter the world of mixed martial arts with Mark Cuban's fledging company named HDNet Fights. Mayweather (30-0) is an enormous talent and his legacy as an all-time great pugilist is virtually cemented. Nevertheless, excelling in the "sweet science" is drastically different than flourishing in an octagon and if Mayweather enters this forum he won't be "pretty" much longer. Mayweather's entire attack is predicated off of his quickness and defensive guile. Such an attack plan would work briefly at best in this form of competition before he was grappled to the canvas and beaten mercilessly. The only thing that the "Pretty Boy" would gain by entering MMA is a collage of rug burns on his back that would rival those that the Spears girls accumulated this past year.
• In a driving snowstorm Tuesday, the Pittsburgh Penguins (21-16-2) defeated the Buffalo Sabres (19-16-3) 2-1 in the Winter Classic at Ralph Wilson Stadium in front of an NHL-record 72,217 fans. Only the second game ever played outdoors ended on Sidney Crosby's winning goal in a shootout. "Sid the Kid's" goal was one of the greatest moments for the sport of hockey since the premier of "Slapshot" and let's hope that contests played outside in the elements become a staple for the foreseeable future.
• The worst guard since former United States Army Reservist Lynndie England, Stephon Marbury, 30, returned to the New York Knicks lineup Wednesday night for the first time since his father passed last month. Now that Marbury is back and reunited with "Mr. Immunity," Isaiah Thomas, the Knicks should be officially good for 5 whole victories in the month of January.
• If you saw the video that Toronto Raptors power forward Chris Bosh, 23, released yesterday soliciting All-Star votes and you didn't find it humorous whatsoever, you likely have a vibrant personality akin to Victoria Beckham's. Life is too short. It's okay to let your hair down and be zany once in a while. Thankfully, Bosh understands that.
• Much to my surprise, the fractured New York Yankees weren't good enough to win a series nonetheless a championship last year. So, in some capacity, they need to be fixed. November and February are the big months on the MLB off-season calendar. November was nothing to write home to "the Boss" in Tampa about for the Bombers. The month of February had better be filled with great news for the men from the South Bronx or the season will end with misery just like it did last fall. Sometimes in life you need to squander items that you covet in order to attain even more desirable parts. Phil Hughes, 21, has a surplus of potential and he could be an ace in the American League for many years to come. John Santana, 28, is a left-hander and a two-time Cy Young Award winner in the prime of his career. The Yankees should have the Twins offices in Minnesota on speed dial.
• Thanks for providing me with your time. I hope I kept you entertained.
• The New England Patriots defeated the New York Giants (10-6) at Jets Stadium in New Jersey Saturday 38-35 to become the first team in the annals of the NFL to complete a perfect 16-0 regular-season. The Patriots deserve a wealth of credit for their unprecedented excellence and the amazing focus and perseverance that they were able to display on a weekly basis since day one. Now all the Patriots need to do is win three more games and capture the Vince Lombardi trophy. If they don't accomplish that, they will be considered the most notorious collection of choke artists since the 2004 Yankees.
• The New York Jets (4-12) beat the Kansas City Chiefs (4-12) 13-10 Sunday in a meaningless game that ultimately cost them three slots in this coming years draft (the victory dropped them from the third selection in the first round to the sixth pick overall). You didn't have to be the late Jimmy "the Greek" Snyder to predict that the Jets would inexplicably and moronically win this game. Only "Gang Green" could suffocate the lone positive light from a dark and miserably disappointing 2007 campaign and lose a chance to select Arkansas star running back Darren McFadden, 20. As Steve Buscemi's character said in "Fargo," a Jet win "didn't make sense. It's like Peter stealing from Paul."
• Chuck Liddell (21-5) bruised and battered Wanderlei Silva (31-8-1), 31, Saturday night en route to a resounding unanimous decision victory. Liddell's victory put to a halt his personal losing streak at two and it knocked-out any lingering suspicion that he had been cursed since his cameo appearance on HBO's horrifically over-rated series, "Entourage." Liddell, 38, who is clearly the baddest thing since the NFL's juiced-up zebra, Ed Hochuli, now has his sights again set on avenging his consecutive losses to Quinton "Rampage" Jackson. Hopefully Liddell will nix that fight strategy and instead arrange a non-sanctioned "Mexican Street Fight" against the duo of "Turtle" and "Johnny Drama." Seeing those two gumps get throttled would be worth splurging for the exorbitant pay-per-view fees.
• Ring Magazine's 2007 "Fighter of the Year," Floyd Mayweather, Jr. (39-0), 30, publicly expressed his desire to enter the world of mixed martial arts with Mark Cuban's fledging company named HDNet Fights. Mayweather (30-0) is an enormous talent and his legacy as an all-time great pugilist is virtually cemented. Nevertheless, excelling in the "sweet science" is drastically different than flourishing in an octagon and if Mayweather enters this forum he won't be "pretty" much longer. Mayweather's entire attack is predicated off of his quickness and defensive guile. Such an attack plan would work briefly at best in this form of competition before he was grappled to the canvas and beaten mercilessly. The only thing that the "Pretty Boy" would gain by entering MMA is a collage of rug burns on his back that would rival those that the Spears girls accumulated this past year.
• In a driving snowstorm Tuesday, the Pittsburgh Penguins (21-16-2) defeated the Buffalo Sabres (19-16-3) 2-1 in the Winter Classic at Ralph Wilson Stadium in front of an NHL-record 72,217 fans. Only the second game ever played outdoors ended on Sidney Crosby's winning goal in a shootout. "Sid the Kid's" goal was one of the greatest moments for the sport of hockey since the premier of "Slapshot" and let's hope that contests played outside in the elements become a staple for the foreseeable future.
• The worst guard since former United States Army Reservist Lynndie England, Stephon Marbury, 30, returned to the New York Knicks lineup Wednesday night for the first time since his father passed last month. Now that Marbury is back and reunited with "Mr. Immunity," Isaiah Thomas, the Knicks should be officially good for 5 whole victories in the month of January.
• If you saw the video that Toronto Raptors power forward Chris Bosh, 23, released yesterday soliciting All-Star votes and you didn't find it humorous whatsoever, you likely have a vibrant personality akin to Victoria Beckham's. Life is too short. It's okay to let your hair down and be zany once in a while. Thankfully, Bosh understands that.
• Much to my surprise, the fractured New York Yankees weren't good enough to win a series nonetheless a championship last year. So, in some capacity, they need to be fixed. November and February are the big months on the MLB off-season calendar. November was nothing to write home to "the Boss" in Tampa about for the Bombers. The month of February had better be filled with great news for the men from the South Bronx or the season will end with misery just like it did last fall. Sometimes in life you need to squander items that you covet in order to attain even more desirable parts. Phil Hughes, 21, has a surplus of potential and he could be an ace in the American League for many years to come. John Santana, 28, is a left-hander and a two-time Cy Young Award winner in the prime of his career. The Yankees should have the Twins offices in Minnesota on speed dial.
• Thanks for providing me with your time. I hope I kept you entertained.
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